Because children deserve to feel at home at both places!
My name is Cecile, I am a Mom and Stepmom, and we live in a blended family of 6. You came to the right place if you want to help children from separated parents transition between homes. When I first divorced my kids’ father in 2013, I did not have any regrets as I fought my heart and soul to make it work for years when I finally decided that I had enough and it was time to move on.
However, the most challenging situation was looking at my children as they struggled to adapt to moving from one house to another. I felt guilty that I was putting them through this arrangement. Having them carrying their bags of belongings that were way too heavy for their small body was heartbreaking. Until one day, I decided to move forward and stop feeling sorry and find positive ways to alleviate this transition between each house. After all, they hadn’t chosen this way of living. I will share three positive strategies that worked for us to help our boys facilitate moving from one home to another.
This post is sponsored by Alfred Smart Lock System and Swerve. All opinions are my own. We work with brands we genuinely use and trust. This post may contain affiliate links. We may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.
3 Positive tips to help children from separate parents transition between homes
#1 Routine, rituals and consistency
It’s no secret that today we are living at a fast and busy pace. Families are busier than ever, juggling between work, activities, and chores. Fortunately, most of us manage and adapt to stressful changes. However, there are other challenges for children of separated parents, such as dealing with two homes, different parenting styles, different rules, new people, and different ways of being a family. Therefore, it is essential to establish a new positive routine and ritual that help them transition into their new normal.
Routine
Routines can help reduce anxiety for adults as much as they do for children. Knowing the what, the where and the when helps schedule and plan our daily activities. Planning and communicating with the children, where and when they will be going to their other parent and vis versa in a timely matter will help with the transition. Try to stay consistent as much as possible; it will create a structured transition. No matter the age of the children, consistently will help develop a routine and momentum that will become second nature. As our children grew older, they knew when they would see their friends from both neighbourhoods and schedule their activities.
Rituals
Rituals and traditions are unique things a family does together. These provide the children with an identity and create a sense of belonging. It can also bring comfort throughout unfamiliar circumstances, like transitioning between two homes. Like routines, they need to be consistent. One of our family rituals is having supper together with no electronics or phones at the table. It is our time to talk about how our days went and what our plans are.
Here are some ritual ideas to help the transition:
Each time the children get to your home
Spend 30 minutes drawing with them
Stop at the park for 30 minutes before drop-off
Play a particular game they love before leaving
Whatever you choose as a ritual, make sure it is something feasible so it can be consistent. That is the key to a positive ritual.
#2 It takes two of everything
I hated seeing our boys carrying luggage between houses. It felt that they were going somewhere that wasn’t home. It was essential for us that they felt at home at both places. Making sure they have two of everything made their life a little easier and fewer things to carry back and forth between houses. If, for some reason, it is impossible to get two of everything, I have created a printable packing list. You and your child can write down all their essentials to help with their preparations.
Here is a list of minimums they should have two:
Personal hygiene products (shampoo, soap, toothbrush, deodorant, etc.)
Clothing
Make-up
Entertainment (Headphones, toys, books, etc.)
Photos (if they are leaving for a couple of weeks)
Boots and Jacket
Packing list for transition between homes
#3 Alfred Smart lock system
Last but not least, we’ve been living in separate houses for eight years, and until recently, every second Sunday night, when our boys were coming home, they would knock at the door. It felt like they were visitors, and it was way overdue that we found a way, so they didn’t have to knock at their arrival. Our solution was the Alfred Smart Lock System. Each of the boys has their passcode to enter the house, and we do not have to worry about keys getting misplaced or lost. Another great feature is that we don’t need to worry if one of them forgot to lock the door as it will lock itself automatically afterward.
The Alfred Smart Lock is a touch screen pad with a deadbolt, so we all feel safe and secure. It can work with Bluetooth, and you can lock and unlock it remotely from your phone. You will always know who’s coming in and out. We have chosen our lock with a key option, but there is a keyless option too. The Smart lock was easy to install, and it provided a great appeal to our front door. I love that the four boys now can come home without knocking, and if they forget something, they have the option to come back and get it. This Alfred Smart Lock System is an excellent gift for any family.
I feel like Alfred thought about everything. Alfred can connect to most home systems such as Google Assistant and Alexa, speak in multiple languages, and lets you know when it’s time to change the batteries. If you forget to charge the battery, no worries, there is an emergency power port (micro-USB) on the bottom of the front panel. This allows you to plug in any small power pack or even a cord from your phone to provide power to the lock so you can enter your Pin Code and access your home. This Alfred Smart Lock System is an excellent gift for any family.
Final Thoughts
Transitioning between homes for children of separated parents can be challenging. However, these small positive strategies can help smooth the process. Establishing a routine to make sure they have two of everything and having a way children can come and go will make them feel at home at both places. We loved how easy Alfred Smart Lock System had made our family life so much easier.
Join us on our ongoing journey as a blended family. We would love to hear from you. Check out my new e-book: The Art of Successfully Blending Families: A guide to happy Blended Family.
Cecile Leger of Ella's Blended Family is a mom of 2 boys and a stepmom of 2 boys. Her mandate and vision are to provide real positive tips, strategies and solutions that will help guide blended families towards a long and happy life.
Comments